This Month I should be preparing for you to arrive.
This Month I should be feeling you swirl and tap dance in my tummy.
This Month I should be washing and rewashing your tiny clothes eager to put you into them.
This Month I should be fed up with pregnancy; groaning daily and eager for it to be over.
This Month I should be eating my body weight in pickled onions or other foods I crave.
This Month I should be talking to you repeatedly through the skin that parts us.
This Month I should be counting down the days until you arrive.
This Month I should be too big to drive around in my car.
This Month I should be complaining of heartburn and swollen ankles.
This Month I should be on maternity leave, enjoying the thought of the months ahead.
This Month your brothers should be welcoming a new sibling, someone they would love.
This Month I should be holding you for the first time in my arms after you have been born.
This Month I should be bringing you home to add a very welcome addition to our family.
Instead…
This Month I am plastering a smile on my face and trying to act like I am okay.
This Month I am crying almost daily at the days and memories I wont be able to make.
This Month I am picturing what you would have looked like and long for you painfully.
This Month I am carrying on at my work; trying to forget that I lost you.
This Month I am carrying on for my boys, and not showing them how sad I am.
This Month I am trying to push onwards and hoping April will be better.
This Month I sneak glances up at your memory box before I go to bed each night, knowing that your ashes are safely stored away in it.
This Month I miss you; I never had you, but I miss what you would have meant to us. I miss what you would have brought to our family and I miss the memories we wont now be able to make.
This Month I love you as I would have if you were here, but This Month I ache for you.
I lost you months before now, but This Month you should be Born.
Always thinking of you; always missing you, always wanting you. Never forgetting.
S x
Wow! This is beautiful & heartbreaking at the same time! I felt the pain behind your words… X
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Me every May. 😢 I’m sorry.
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Thankyou. I am sorry for you also.
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So sorry for your loss. It’s so hard. I hope the future brings a baby into your arms. Thank you for sharing. M/C should not be suffered alone.
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wow felt every word you wrote, sorry for your loss. really can’t imagine this pain.
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I’ve nominated you…
https://baffledmum.com/2018/03/13/mystery-blogger-award
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Thankyou so much 💕
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No problem… I look forward to reading your answers. X
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I’m so sorry to read about this Steph. You are an angel and I hope the pain will gradually mellow down for you.
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Thankyou 🙂 💕
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I can relate to this so much 😦 Hope it gets easier x
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So sorry to read this. I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels!
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You are so brave to put this into words. It is supporting many others who deal with these feelings in silence ❤️
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Thankyou so much for your comment. It was difficult to write but I feel a bit better putting it out there 🙂
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It makes me hurt so much! I lost a boy in January this year and another the year before.. I’m sorry you have to go through this no woman deserves this ❤️
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Thankyou and sorry all at the same time. Thanks for your kind words and sorry that you have suffered too. It’s not easy, I thought it would get easier and at times it feels like it but there is always something to remind me. Big hugs to you 💕
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Thank you ❤️
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