I am 37 years old and I must admit that I am probably one of the most ficklest people when it comes to deciding on what I want to do with my life! I mean a lot of people have already figured it out around about now, right?
Especially at the age that I am at; just shy of 40. I think what it comes down to with me is confidence…I am never confident enough that I can do what I want to do. I have never believed much in myself and I have always let that ‘nagging’ negative voice at the back of my head rule what I do with my life.
But now? Now I want to embrace what I have always enjoyed doing…and that is write. I have ummmed and ahhhed about dream jobs for so long that I was starting to drive myself insane.
Did I want to be a early years teacher? I mean the hours would fit wonderfully around my boys and I would have all of the holidays off with them. This job was a safe option.
Did I want to train to be a midwife? I have always envied the work that people in the NHS do and I often envisioned myself in a little medical uniform helping a lady to push a baby out of her ‘lady area’. And although I would have put my heart and soul into this role, there was a part of me that still didn’t feel like this was my DREAM job. It didn’t feel like it called to me…not like how writing does.
I remember the very first time I entered a writing competition. I was 5 years old and I was at school and I had written a small piece about noise. The teachers had loved it, and I was asked to read it out in front of the entire school. I was a bag of nerves reading it as all of the other children’s faces looked up at me from the hall floor, but I was so proud of myself. And my reward was a wonderful Sylvanian Families activity pack with colouring book and notepad. From an early age I had a passion for writing stories and reading them. I used to peruse my Nan’s reading library, always picking up my favourite, Anne Franks Diary, and reading for hours on end.
Over the years my love of stories has got stronger and my nose can always be found in a good book or I can be seen scribbling notes down for potential new stories and characters. One thing that has remained constant throughout my life is this; I love to write. Whether it be a fictional story or a review of a recent book, I love to let my mind wander and my fingers tap away on the keyboard. Even now, as I write this, I sit with a smile on my face. Its amazing how much I feel at peace when I am doing the one thing that I enjoy.
Today, I had a clear out of the house and got rid of some much needed clutter. In doing so, I found an old notepad in which I had scrapbooked entertainment magazine articles and features posts. These were from a few years ago now, but I remember doing it as a way to review how the pieces were put together. Another love of mine, is anything to do with celebrities. I cant hide the fact that I love a bit of gossip and the celebrities provide us with this ALL of the time and I love reading about it. One of my goals when I scrapbooked some of the pages out of my favourite gossip magazines at the time was to one day write for one of those magazines myself. I am not sure my goals are the same now entirely, but there on the pages is still the pouring’s from a girl who dreamed to write professionally.
I tell my sons everyday that they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up and I will back them up every step of the way. I want them to know no dream is ever out their reach….so, I feel it is kind of my duty to set a good example.
I have quite recently contacted the local college about their NCTJ Journalism Course and I have an assessment booked for a months time. In the meantime, I am going to continue to create short stories; I am going to look into how to create a screenplay (as I have an idea I want to put together) and I am going to continue writing my book. One way or another, I will write professionally….preferably before I am 60!
In case you are curious, here are a few pictures of the scrap book I kept.