What do I want to do?
Who do I want to be?
I wake to the feeling that something is missing, but my life is already on key.
Loving husband with me, small children times 2.
Living happily, comfortably and without worry.
But I skit from one career option to the next.
Not knowing where my goals lie.
One day I wake and I want to help bring life into the world; picturing myself as a midwife.
Another day I wake; I see myself working within TV.
Some days I want to make money from playing around with my camera or from writing things down on paper.
Not one day is the same, my thoughts and wants change.
I have taken up blogging to help me to reach out; to create a following that is fake and unreliable. What can these people give me that I don’t already possess? I want to be liked; I want people to believe in the words I preach and the things I create.
But I fail to believe that I belong in this world. Fake Smiles, Fake Follows, Fake comments on posts; nobody cares completely for what I write; they only take time to reach out so that I will return the favour. Minutes, hours and days are spent creating ideas in my head for future posts on my blog; knowing that it may not be seen by many, most possibly less than ten.
As each day chugs past I try to pin down one area that I prefer over another, but no answer comes. I have so many different likes that I struggle to find one area I love more than the rest.
Tomorrow I may pull the answer from my head.
But for today I will hum and ahh about my future; success is what I dream of, but for what I am not sure.